So, what else makes Dolph so badass? How about the fact that he has the most convincing Russian accent ever. Most people are shocked to learn that he is not actually Russian. And let's face it, Commies are some scary mothers. I'd take my chances against a pansy goose-stepping nazi before I'd tangle with a raised-on-vodka, doing-it-for-the-team pinko soldier. In any fight, psychological warfare is often more effective than roundhouse kicks to the teeth. In honor of Dolph's impressive faux Russian tongue, I've spent the better part of two days learning to say the following, Russian-style: "I must break you", "If he dies, he dies", "spetsnaz", "Da svedanya, Amerikanskii", and "Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti". And I sound so Russian, you'd swear I was the illegitimate child (or great-great-great-grandchild, whatever) of Rasputin. Or maybe it's my crazy eyes, I don't know. Either way, it's badass, which makes it a success. I spent a few minutes trying to figure out how to add voice clips of myself sounding so badass, but I don't understand your fancy American technology. So, if you want to hear me for yourself, come to the Brig in Fresno any Saturday night. We can bare-knuckle box in the parking lot.
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